Lessons In Falling Blog Tour: Lessons Learned + Giveaway

When I was in middle school, I had a classmate in a specialty class who suddenly started losing a lot of weight and there were rumors going around that she was often found in the bathroom throwing up her lunch. I wasn’t close to her so I couldn’t know for certain if the rumors were true, and I often found myself wanting to approach her and ask if she was okay but I was terrified of offending her. As it turns out, I later found out that the rumors were complete lies which was a relief in itself, but they did a lot of damage during the time they were floating around. This classmate suffered a lot of “concerned” bullying and full-blown bullying from teachers, friends and classmates, people always talking behind her back but no one being brave enough to ask. Including me. She transferred to another school and I didn’t see her for a while until we met by chance and talked about everything, including everything that happened in Middle School. (She is doing great, by the way!)

I was a chubby teenager throughout Middle School and my first year of High School, but during my second semester, I decided to finally lose some weight. I asked my mom to help me out and together we worked hard to plan my meals. I cut back from desserts and upped my veggies. I started working out 1-2 hours per day, even waking up at 5 am every day  to walk/run for half an hour before going to school. I did this for 3 months straight and people were starting to notice my results. And the rumors started to spread too. That I was bulimic, that I was starving myself, and other harsh stuff were being said about me. Complete lies, I worked my butt off to lose weight!

The thing is, in a way, I appreciate the concern, but I would have appreciated more for people to talk to me, to ask me, and to believe me when I said I was working out and eating healthily (not starving myself!). I ‘suffered’ the same thing my MS classmate suffered and it was then that I understood what she went through, what the lack of support this huge accomplishment to changing your habits and doing something for yourself, could cause to one’s self esteem. It made me sad for this classmate, for she was around 13 years old when this happened to her, while I was close to 16 and, I guess, could take on more of this “concerned” bullying. Like I mentioned, she’s fine now, but I can somehow imagine how hurt she must have felt when everyone spoke about her, to the point of having to switch schools and start over. It was not fair. I wish I could have been there for her and give her the right kind of support.

To be clear, I call it “concerned” bullying because people sometimes believe that they know better about certain situations and decide to have a say in the matter, to hear but not listen and understand. A light example:

Aunt to mom: “Melissa will have such flabby skin after all that weight she suddenly lost.” Mom: “She works out every day, reason why she lost weight, that’s how it works. You know that.”

Aunt: Right *eye roll*.

And repeat. 

Nothing happened suddenly. It may have seemed like that to people but not for me. I worked out hard and did things right and I was never prouder of myself. But that’s how some things work when others try to express their “concern”, and the best thing to do is to ignore and keep doing what you are set on doing because only you know how much you work for it.